blah blah blah

So, my week (or month) of having the blahs is almost up. i told myself i needed to shape up by the end of january or else.
what i had in mind for the or else part, i'm not really sure. but the deadline is looming and things are looking better.

part of it is blog land. from some of the blogs i've been visiting, i get the sense that i have not been alone in my funk or in my stress. this has been so helpful just knowing that i am not alone and that it happens to most people.

Stefani's post over at Blue Yonder couldn't have come at a better time and her new flickr group has been some great medicine for laughing at myself and other mama's out there even encouraging it! there is such relief in knowing that other people's lives can look and feel as chaotic as mine.

Andrea's post at Superhero Journal reaffirmed what i have been telling myself over the past several days. that is, that much of my stress is self induced. i am striving to get so much done and accomplished in a short amount of time. and. it's. not. happening.
i need to let it go (which i'm doing - to an extent). no one is giving me a timeline to get these things done that i want to get done. so, i am doing a little more relaxing. the day i read that post, i didn't do a thing. i took a nap with my babes and soaked it in. talk about good medicine.

and the other thing that is helping YOU! you friends out there. thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
some of you have reminded me that i am, ahem, a new mom. i think i forgot that one.
it's hard to explain because i guess since we have henry i didn't really consider it anew venture. i've been there, i've done that. and bea just seems like she's been here for the longest time - even if that time is whizzing by.
and then it hit me. i am adjusting. i now have two where i had one. i have less time. less quiet. less sleep (though as of late that is the boy's fault not bea's). less energy. less patience.
now i have more mess. more diapers. more cuddling. more crying. more cuteness. more baths. more bedtimes.

it's a balance i have not mastered and now realize i probably never will. so now i am looking at things in a slightly different light. i'm allowing myself this adjustment period. i guess it just hit me kind of late. the things onmy list will get done. eventually. i will have more time. eventually. i will have less diapers. eventually. i will have more sleep. eventually. i will have more coherent thoughts. eventually.
you get the idea.

so here is to pushing the blahs aside and saying thank you fellow bloggers for picking a girl up just when she needed it. you ladies have good timing.



in an effort to beautify and lift my spirits, i am focusing on what i accomplished today and not dwelling on what is still on the to do list.

this is what my day consisted of:

this morning i got up (reluctantly) and got myself and the little ones dressed and we went to my part time job. and we were only 5 minutes late. while there, i read books, told kids to walk, not run, and to play nice.

came home and made lunch for henry and myself and nursed bea while i ate.

somehow i managed to get henry and bea to nap simultaneously! woo hoo! (extra points for me)

while they were napping ---

i futzed around on the internet (flickr, dansko website (the soles of mine are falling apart from the inside out?), checked email, some light blog reading).

did some serious kitchen cleaning. i made a pot of coffee this morning and didn't put the pot on all the way. so right before i had to leave for work there was coffee + grounds all over the counter spilling onto the floor (cleaned that before leaving in the a.m.).
also yesterdays dishes were still in the sink because we relaxed most of the morning and then were gone in the evening.

picked up the living room.

did 2 loads of laundry + diapers. washed AND put away!

after nap activities:

ate dinner with the family. tacos, mmmm.

boogied in the living room with everyone to the tunes of they might be giants

baked a loaf of bread

made a new batch of dough

changed the bed sheets

posted this

will now go knit, knit, knit, and get my dose of this before hitting the hay.

***this does not include the diapers i changed, the noses i wiped, the nursings i gave, and the many tickles, hugs, and kisses dished out throughout the day, or the photos attempted to capture the day***


the weight

i am in a funk. a low down, serious funk this week. trying to get a hold of myself and just get over it all. though its difficult. i keep feeling pulled down. and i'm not sure why i'm putting this out here, because i'm not really in the mood to talk about it except that i wanted to share what is helping me get through it (at times).

this is helping.

one of my all time favorites. this version. turned up loud.
(except that this video cuts off mavis saying 'beautiful' - which is a shame)

and if you haven't seen this i believe you are missing out. you should stop what you are doing right now and go buy it (or even just the soundtrack). then play it. LOUD.

***(just a side note: i love the staple singers. if we ever have another girl she will be named mavis.)***


a little late . . .

Finished Objects 2008, originally uploaded by gonzomama.

but here are my 2008 finished objects!

i'm missing at least two pictures but those patterns are represented up there, so i can live with that.

i have to say i am proud of myself. none of them are big knits, but the quantity i have produced is the most i have ever done in a year. not bad for having a toddler and spending most of the year pregnant!

i said in one of my first posts on this blog (just over a year ago), that one of my main reasons for this blog was to document my growth as a knitter. now, i know i am a slow knitter, but i think i have grown quite a bit in just this past year. i've knit socks and started a sweater! i'm also happy with myself for knitting only 2 scarves. it was time to move beyond those. and i have learned some new techniques - a new cast on, a new bind off, and i am getting much better at fixing and finding my mistakes.

looking forward to what this year brings!


book link here

full body goosebumps

that's what i had many a moment yesterday.
it wasn't necessarily the speech (though it was part of it). it was the moment.
this happy, exciting, hopeful and positive historic moment we all got to witness and that the world joyously shared with us.
whether or not you voted for president obama, yesterday was undeniably profound and unforgettable.

and in case you missed this after the election way back in november -

an open letter to barack obama


maker of lists

i am a maker of lists. i make lists for everything. i leave them all over the house. many times i forget about them. but it is something that i have to do. i like writing things out. it helps me sort things in my head. writing my lists helps me to prioritize (and procrastinate).
i make lists of words to look up when i am reading a book. i write grocery lists (and often leave them at home). i will write of list of things i want to accomplish in a day, week, month. sometimes i can feel defeated because i write the same tasks over and over it seems like. *ahem - laundry, dishes, making bread*
lately my lists have included the list of bills that need to be paid. over the weekend i realized i hadn't balanced our checkbook in two months. (ahhh, blissful ignorance i miss you).
instead of new years resolutions, i made an ever-growing lists of goals for the year. among them:
knitting a top down sweater, learning how to use my camera (instead of guessing and crossing my fingers), cooking dinner more, wearing sunscreen and flossing everyday, sew more, and getting our piano tuned (though none of us know how to play).
another list making chore i have going is for my re-organizing project. this project includes 3 closets, an office, and two bedrooms (and this doesn't include organizing all of our pictures, printed or otherwise or the garage for when said projects are done). the plan is for bea to move into what is now henry's room and move henry into what is now the office. right now this doesn't seem feasible, but with a lot of work, a lot of donating, and some hard goodbyes it might get done. making a list (or four) is what is getting me through the beginning stages of this major overhaul. i have a list of what to do, what needs to be moved where, and a list of things wanted/needed to make that happen (new desk chair, storage, storage, and more storage). in reality we have nowhere else in this house to have an office/workroom. so we are going to be getting very creative. and very, very organized.

or maybe all of this list writing is the first sign of me losing my mind?

**if any of you have some helpful organizational tips or creative storage solutions i would be thrilled to hear them!**


photo friday.23


you are three months old today.

it is the strangest feeling.
feeling time whizzing by. speeding up, no matter how much i fight it.
and yet feeling like you have been here with us for so long.
as if you have always been here.


stamps & sculpture

i have had so much i've wanted to say here lately, but i am finding it difficult to find the time to sit and focus on this place right now (hence the short random posts). for now i am keeping those unsaid things in the forefront of my mind to share at another time (if they remain relevant).

today, was a busy but relaxed day.
my mom came over for a short visit and let me run to the post office alone. that is a chore i avoid at all costs. especially with two little ones. it is not worth all the bundling, buckling, and bribing to drive 5 miles (on a road under heavy construction) to stand in line for who knows how long (2 seconds to 30 minutes) to hand over a box. no. i will hold onto said box for as long as it takes for me to get to go it alone, thank you. (so thanks mom!)
but while i was there i picked up this:

i will be going back for more. i don't know why i bought just one. i love fun stamps. it makes sending and receiving mail more fun. and more personal. maybe i should take up stamp collecting. hmmmmm. . .

also, while the little ones napped i spent my afternoon taking some shots of some newer sculpture by matt. this task is much more difficult than i prefer it to be. if i could find a class that specializes in photographing sculpture, specifically bronze, i would sooooo take it. in the meantime, i will just take around 300+ pictures and hope for the best. here are a few of my favorite shots. to see more you can check them out here.


clean up, clean up

as part of my new year's goals i am trying (desperately) to organize my pictures. i am terrible about doing this as i upload. i spent over an hour doing this last night and will continue working on it whenever i can until i am satisfied with the result. i'm also really lazy about deleting pictures i don't want or that just turned out bad. i am a horrible editor. must. improve. upon. this.

next stop: flickr (it's just as bad over there).


photo friday.22

necklace matt made for me for christmas (lying on the hat i made him).


blog interrupted

books + light

lots to do today. some of it necessary (i curse you! you lingering christmas decorations!). some of it not.
i'm reading a book i can't put down, want to start the sleeves for my cardigan, and henry and i are painting something this afternoon.


more florida

sarasota winter 08

we took a boat trip up to sarasota for the afternoon. it was warm and sunny, but that wind put a chill in you. henry makes a great first mate. that is until he grabs the gear shifter and down shifts completely in one fell swoop. poor kid. the way grandpa and i grabbed at him we scared the you know what out of him. (honestly, it scared the hell out of me when he did it). thank goodness he didn't throw into reverse is all i can say. and as always, sweet bea slept through most of the ride.

we docked the boat at some swanky dive and snuck over to a more laid back kind of place. had a decent lunch and listened to the most monotonous live singer i have ever heard. not even remotely entertaining. he was just paid background noise. so, i digress. after the eats we all went for a walk in the park where the boy pretended to be indy jones climbing around the trees. he also wanted to play frisbee. there were a lot of bee games going on. and he really wanted in on one.

then we headed back to the boat and started for home. henry and i spent much of our time down in the cabin messing around and being silly and singing pirate songs.

and of course taking pictures.


holidays: round 2 part 2

early in the morning, the day after christmas we piled into the car (with dog) to head to florida to visit with matt's family. no sooner had we gotten the dog in the car did she decide to flip out. high pitched squealing (this is actually pretty normal when she is anxious or excited), and she was just spazzing. she was trying to jump over the seat which would have landed her smack on top of bea. not a good situation with a 65 pound dog. she's getting old and she just doesn't travel well anymore. we can't board her, we never have. thankfully we have a great friend, mariann (THANK YOU!), that we were able to call and ask her to watch mason for us. if she hadn't been so obliging, this would have been the car trip from hell.

but because of mariann, two complying children, and a wonderful husband who drove the entire way so i could finish my last knit gift, the trip went off without a hitch. bea and henry travelled great, though bea did cry the last 20 minutes out of hunger, poor thing.

we had a great time in florida. a little swimming here and there, soaking in the hot tub, picking fresh grapefruit from the yard (and lemon limes for our beers), chasing ali the dog around the house. all the good stuff.

we visited the crazy but always good christmas house one night. then another day we took a boat trip to sarasota for lunch and a walk in the park. on another day we went to snook haven on the myakka river for lunch and live music. and a couple days at the beach combing for shells. it was a full and relaxing trip. and it went quick.

My creation

the only downer was everyone came down with some 24 hour bug and henry got his the night before we planned on leaving at 4 am. so terrible seeing your little one feeling so crappy and not being able to do anything about it. though it still amazes me that i can handle the vomit like a pro.
so, we ended up letting henry sleep as long as he could and waited to see how he was feeling. he seemed okay so we packed finished packing up the car and said our goodbyes. we hit the road back to home around 9 am and our 8 hour trip turned into a 12 hour trip. thank you college bowl games that were apparently all played in florida. (what do i know?) we sat in bumper to bumper traffic on a 3 lane highway for i don't know how many hours. so we had a kid that felt like crap (but wasn't puking) and a baby who hadn't been held most of the day. it wasn't pretty, but we were so glad to be home when we got there.

more to come . . .


holidays: round 2

ah, where to start.

first i hope all of you enjoyed the holidays and were all safe and healthy and most importantly surrounded by those you love.

we had a nice little break that started on christmas eve and ended just this weekend.
christmas day began with us waking up to the sound of gifts being torn open by henry. yes, he bypassed our bedroom door and headed straight for the loot. my response was a loud, "nooooooo!". so we missed him opening his first gift, but we had so much fun watching him the rest of the morning. this was his first year really being able to open the gifts himself with a few breaks to gnaw on one of the candy canes he'd been eyeing the entire month of december. and sweet little bea slept through the entire affair.

later that morning we headed to my mom's house for more gift giving and receiving and of course, christmas dinner. we were all terribly spoiled by my mom and my sister. (thank you, both). i now have what i hope to be enough instructional books on sewing to get me going and keep me motivated. so many things to make and so little experience. matt scored with some great art books and for all of us we received the planet earth dvd set. i am really looking forward to watching those. we've been enjoying blue planet (to be honest, the word 'enjoying' is an understatement. there are things in this series that completely blow my mind>), but somehow we missed the planet earth series.

so that was our holiday at home in a nutshell. serious over-indulgence. lots of fun, lots of food and lots of photos.
and let me tell you, the photos i took this christmas were craptastic! as this and the next few posts will prove. i'll be back tomorrow to give a few details about our trip to florida. it's great to be back but, right now, laundry is beckoning to me and i must heed its call.